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I wonder if I should review Brooke Hogan‘s The Redemption for the giggles. Very by-the-books mid-tempo guitar strum. “I wish I was the Tinman so I wouldn’t have a heart to break.” It’s not fair to skip a song based on one line alone, but I’m so temp–I’ll wait. Show me where it hurts, and I know I can be the medicine you need.” It sort of begs for a response of unzipping the pants and whipping it out. Keisha, where are you? I wish the Sugababes just came in and stole this song and took it HOME. PIANO CHORDS REMINDS ME OF “EVERY HEART BROKEN.” Soaring piano track. I may nod off.Īs far as I can tell, there’s no relation to the Robert Smith-fronted group here. Perhaps it’s a glimmer of what adult Jordin Sparks would sound like in her impending adult contemporary career. Is this a cover? No? Why do the chords remind me of “You’ve Got A Friend In Me?” I’ll blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol/returning migraine. I imagine the recently heartbroken would find this somewhat moving and ‘the story of my life right now,’ but it’s hard to–did she just whimper again? Oh, dear. Was I the only one in love?” This is painful. “Was the only one who fell in love? There never really was the two of us / Maybe my all just wasn’t good enough. Ugh, I am so not in the mood for another tender ballad.
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But why is she pushing more buttons on the phone than 9-1-1? What the hell is she dialing?
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That’s the fear I’d have listening to this in a social setting. I mean, all I can think of is dancing to this at a party and seeing some girl’s hair catch on fire and shouting “IT’S AN EMERGENCY! IT’S A 911! THIS WOMAN’S HAIR IS ON FIRE!” and then everyone raises their drinks and cheers real loud and puts the song on even louder as the girl writhes around on the floor. However, there’s something implicitly uncomfortable about songs with “911” in the lyrics. JORDIN–getting sassy up in this bitch! “I bought this dress for you, I got my legs all smooth / I got my mani-pedi, I got my hair done too.” This is a fairly fun, ‘modern’ uptempo track.
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Oh Christ, are those tears? Is she crying? Am I getting affected? If another artist produced this, I bet we’d be finding ourselves calling this one ‘epic’ in another post. Oh, great…a hand-clappy mid-tempo–WHAT?! I wasn’t expecting this ‘rock-tinged’ chorus! “I refuse to feel ashamed…LET IT RAIN!” This is clearly her redemption track for the homos: They can officially feel prideful again. Good God, are we only half done here? Oddly my migraine appears to be dissipating. I’m bored, but I suppose if I was forced to listen to this album for the rest of my life, I would learn all the words to this and sing it triumphantly. But I think that’s going to become my catchphrase for the year: “It’s good, but it sounds a lot like ‘Halo.'” To be fair, “Already Gone” was done before “Halo,” but hey–let’s let that pop injustice live on. Wait–does this sound a bit like “Halo”? No, never mind…it doesn’t. This is so clearly an anti-gay pride rally number. “There’s something you should know: I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go.” What the fuck does that even mean? Is Jordin an ass man?ĭisplaying that Christian morality again. Fairly by-the-numbers though, isn’t it? “Don’t you know it takes more?”Īnother sauntering mid-tempo. I saw a video with her filming some sort of promo commercial with Joe Jonas last year and she was sporting the most massive Joner ever–she even awkwardly swore in front of him to ‘show off’ in that annoying schoolgirl sort of way. I wonder if Jordin is absolutely having the time of her life touring with the JoBros. I was afraid of this one: Sampling one of the best ’80’s club tracks into a texting-all-my-ladies ‘intimidation’ track? Sadly, I don’t even dislike it all that much–it’s just my natural pop sensibilities urging me to reject this. A electro-glittery mid-tempo: “Just ’cause I think of you in bed, don’t let it go to your head.” Stop teasing me with your bedroom coos…NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A SLUT, JORDIN SPARKS. That doesn’t mean anything to me, but let the record show it has been acknowledged. I hope you enjoy your latest Taylor Swift track.Īh, so this was originally a Fefe Dobson track. Perfection.Ī charting peak at #25? Nice going, America. I can’t really understand the lyrics, but I’m not really paying attention either. God, I can not see out of my right eye! Wait, it’s beginning…Isn’t this the opening guitar strum to Kelly Clarkson song ever? Oh! I quite like this electro beat. I wasn’t going to do this, but coupled with the fact that I’m currently bed-stricken with on-again, off-again vision blur due to an on-again, off-again migraine, I thought what a better way to thoroughly piss my day away than to review a Jordin Sparks album?Īnd now, Jordin Sparks’ Battlefield, a live-blogging review and experience.